Above all，going abroad is my dream i wonder i will go on further study，so i have to study English Of course，it is aimportant subject for me。Then，taking about my ways of study English.I always speak English loudly so that more like foreigner

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Above all，going abroad is my dream i wonder i will go on further study，so i have to study English Of course，it is aimportant subject for me。Then，taking about my ways of study English.I always speak English loudly so that more like foreigner（更像外国人）。Besides，i like listening English songs。And i would talk with some foreigners，but i not have foreigner friends（用了虚拟，当时在单项看到这样的结构）so i have talk with myself in English。
Frialy i want to suggest that school invites a foreigner teacher。Not only improve our grades，but also we are taught more knowledge about foreign country，And i
think schoo shoude add to more English subject

I have a dream that one day I can go abroad to further my study,so in must enhance my English ability.It's absolutely a important subject for me.Here I want to share with you my ways of learning English.I always speak English loudly so that I feel like a foreigner myself(更像外国人感觉说不通啊,我觉得像个外国人就好了).Besides.I often listen to English songs.And I catch every chance to talk to foreigners,but I don't have foreigner friends,
so I always talk with myself in English(感觉怪怪的.).
Finally,I want to raise a advise to our school to invite a foreign teacher.Not only can he/she improve our grades,but also taught us more knowledge and culture about foreign country.And I think our school should increase the course time of English.

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我今年高三毕业，之前一直帮老师评分，希望对你有客观的评价
我不知道你是什么年级的，什么分制，不好评分。
先说一下结构。Above all是你文章的开头吗？通常应放在文章最后一段表示总结、概括。在你文章中，可以删了它，更可以和下文的Besides,Finally连接。
还有，你的逗号怎么这么多？用法不对。
你的表达很中文：going abroad is my dream。你应该说 I dream of going abroad，其他地方也有很多相似的问题。
没学过的语法不要乱用！虚拟语气不是这样用的。你的but i not have foreigner friends 应该改成I don't have any foreign friends.这个不是虚拟语气。你英语老师吃点会教的了，别心急。
总之，语法有待提高！

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